


Feed Me Diamonds (And Big Macs)

by Daniverse



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas Fluff, F/F, Partners in Crime, light crime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:54:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28276413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daniverse/pseuds/Daniverse
Summary: “Darling, what did you order?”They hadn’t ordered anything. Before she could find the words to say exactly that, Yuri looked up, a fry in her mouth already.“Ten count chicken nuggets.”Yuri tsked and shook her head, motioning the cashier over. “The order is missing nuggets. You wouldn’t have a beautiful woman go hungry, would you?”---Yuri and Bernadetta, after committing a few crimes and killing a few people, end up at a McDonald's just in time for the holidays.
Relationships: Yuris Leclair | Yuri Leclerc/Bernadetta von Varley
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Feed Me Diamonds (And Big Macs)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ushiromiya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ushiromiya/gifts).



> A note: Yuri is a trans woman in this fic, and uses she/her pronouns! I mean they're both trans but you know. Enjoy some light darling crimes and girlfriendisms.

The road was long and arduous, filled with twists and turns. Bernadetta remembered when the most she saw of Yuri was when she crawled into the top bunk after coming into their room far too late, groaning at the thought of having to wake up in three hours to go to class. Bernadetta would keep her company, peeking over her bed as she stood on her own, letting her know that she’d skip class if Yuri needed another sick excuse. She’d always help if Yuri needed a hand.

And then, Yuri killed the assistant principal. When she said she had to go, Bernadetta signed her life away without another question. That’s what friends were for, right? She was awful at school anyway; school without Yuri sounded like the sort of nightmare she’d be afraid of never waking up from. Her whole life, packed away in two suitcases, nabbing a car from the parking lot and taking off in a direction neither of them knew. Didn’t matter where, they just had to get out. With Yuri behind the steering wheel, Bernadetta had to adjust to a new life, a new home. And she would, she always would. It was terrifying, but Yuri softened the blow. A constant, no matter what mess they ended up in together.

Two weeks passed, most nights spent curled up in the passenger seat of their car, firstfulls of stolen money keeping them afloat. But Yuri had a promise to keep, and when Bernie’s heart lurched at the sight of her old home, Yuri assured her they would only be there for an hour, tops. Maybe less, depending on how easy it was to get Mr. Varley out on the driveway.

Bernadetta could still hear the sound of his body against the front bumper, the first time she ever remembered the breath leaving her lungs with such force. They didn’t check if the job was done. Bernadetta didn’t care. They drove away and Bernadetta knew she made the right choice. All that mattered was he was gone. She never had to go back. She had been too scared all her life, controlled by a man who would never let her be the person she was supposed to be. When Yuri reached over to hold her hand over the center console and squeezed tight, Bernadetta could feel the bud in the center of her chest begin to grow. Slowly, surely, but even the smallest sprout was still growth. Yuri rewarded her with a tired smile and a wink, assured her that she never forgot a promise. Bernie held Yuri’s hand tight, tears free-flowing down her cheeks. Together, they could be something. She could be something.

Word got out fast enough for whatever repercussions came with their mounting list of crimes between them, and the urgency to push faster, push harder was constantly in the back of Bernadetta’s mind. They switched cars frequently, hiding out at gas stations and strip malls until they could make more progress in the cover of night. Yuri pulled them off the highway late one night, exhaustion showing on the very edges of her expression. Bernadetta turned in her seat, lips pursed as she tried to see past the familiar mask. “Everything okay, Yuri?”

She smiled back, pecking Bernadetta’s forehead. “I’m just peachy, Birdie. I’m half starved, that’s all.”

Bernadetta glanced up to see the familiar glow of the golden arches, excitement (and hunger) bubbling up. “Ooh, me too. What do you want?”

Yuri gave a half-hearted noise and a shrug, pulling into a spot and hopping out and offering Bernadetta a hand as they headed into the restaurant. The fluorescents made them both squint, too late for the sudden burst of brightness. There were two employees manning the counter, neither looking terribly present. A large delivery order sat next to them, mostly unattended. Yuri led Bernadetta over, opening the bag and rifling through its contents. Bernie suppressed the scandalized “Yuri!” that threatened to escape her throat, eyes wide as she watched.

“Darling, what did you order?”

They hadn’t ordered anything. Before she could find the words to say exactly that, Yuri looked up, a fry in her mouth already.

“Ten count chicken nuggets.”

Yuri tsked and shook her head, motioning the cashier over. “The order is missing nuggets. You wouldn’t have a beautiful woman go hungry, would you?” The cashier looked blankly as he reached behind him to grab a pre-prepared nugget container and tossed it in the bag. Yuri winked and blew him a kiss, slipping the bag onto her arm as they moved to sit at one of the many empty tables.Yuri passed the nuggets container and one of the fries, fingering through the rest of the containers for something she wanted. Bernadetta smiled around one of the nuggets, wriggling in the neon-yellow plastic seat. Bernadetta wasn’t happy to take from whoever ordered the food, but stealing from McDonald’s wasn’t the worst thing they’d done in the last 24 hours. She laughed as a fry was presented to her, taking it in her mouth as Yuri smiled back, watching her with delight sparkling in the corners of her eyes.

“You know, I distinctly remember McDonald’s being a much more romantic destination.”

Bernadetta laughed again, shaking her head in disbelief. “Romantic? What’s so romantic about McDonald’s? The clown guy, he’s awful.”

Yuri placed a hand on her chest and gave a mock offended gasp at Bernie’s words. “You can’t disrespect Queen Ronald in her own home, Birdie.” Bernadetta almost choked on her nugget, grabbing the soda shared between them to wash it down. “The McDonald’s in Europe all have roses on the table. And much more comfortable seats.”

Bernadetta looked at her with a raised brow. “You’ve never been to Europe, Yuri!”

Yuri leaned back comfortably in her seat, carding a hand through her hair. “Who’s to say I haven’t? You’ve never seen my papers, sweetheart. I’m an international woman, you see.” Bernadetta couldn’t stop another laugh from bursting forth, suddenly noisy in the relative calm of an empty McDonald’s. Every adjustment to herself started small, letting herself have space. Through the noisy laughter interspersed with snorts, she could relax, an unabashed happiness shared between them.

They finished their food, Yuri crafting herself a burger with one of the other orders hidden inside and muttering something about a “McGangBang”, Bernie polishing off her nuggets in record time. The rest was packed away in their bags for another time, another quick meal for the road. Yuri motioned to the bathroom stalls, urging Bernadetta to follow her. Bernie hefted her backpack onto her shoulder and nodded, shuffling in behind Yuri. Yuri set her own bag on one of the sinks, rustling around until she retrieved two boxes of hair dye. Deep navy, a stark contrast to their current matching lavender waves. Bernie’s own was already starting to fade, mousy brown roots peeking through.

“Do me a favor and section your hair, dearest. I’ll do yours first, then you can do mine.”

Bernadetta nodded, running through tangled hair with her fingers and shrugging out of her hoodie. It wasn’t the first time Yuri had dyed her hair, a ritual crafted between them in their school days. A messy sink, Yuri’s press ons left in the waste basket as she massaged color into her roots. Once her hair was separated into parts and her hoodie wrapped securely around her waist, she turned to see Yuri’s pop up salon that appeared beside them. The first box opened and emptied in a bowl, a travel shampoo and conditioner, a familiar wide toothed comb. “When did you pick all of that up, Yuri?”

Yuri tilted her head and smiled, patting Bernadetta’s cheek a few times. “The other day, I figured we’d need a quick disguise. Lean over for me, dear?” Bernie did as instructed, Yuri’s gloved hands moving through her hair as she began working the color into her roots. Bernadetta tried not to blush, eyes focused on the watery dye that dripped from her ends into the sink, the occasional swipe of vaseline around her forehead and ears to keep any dye from staining her skin. The process was peaceful, Yuri humming a song she couldn’t recognize to herself as she squeezed the hair together, wetting the gloves and combing in the last of the dye.

She pulled her head up and unrolled the paper towels above the dispenser, rubbing at her temples. From a cursory glance in the mirror, she tried not to gasp at the brand new person looking back at her. She patted her hair dry as Yuri sectioned her own hair, admiring the color and smiling to herself. It wasn’t so bad, really. She preferred the purple, but it was a welcome change. And they’d still match.

Bernadetta repeated the process in Yuri’s hair, humming her own song as she carded her fingers and ran the comb through each time. “What’re you singing, Bird?”

Bernie giggled, squishing the hair together and delighting in the awful sound that came out. “Something from your playlist, I’m not really sure. Th-that’s silly, isn’t it?”

Yuri hummed, the hint of her smile catching in the mirror. “Not silly at all. Would you like to know what it is?”

Bernadetta nodded quickly, thumbing along the base of Yuri’s hairline with dye.

“Bling Bling by Junglepussy.”

Bernie screamed on reflex, only barely stopping herself from covering her face with dye stained gloves. Yuri snickered to herself and sat up, wrapping a plastic bag around her head with a shrug and a smile.

“I won’t tell on you, sweetheart. You can enjoy swear words now, I certainly won’t stop you.” Bernadetta flung her gloves into the trash can, groaning to herself as she tried to will the blood from all rushing to her face. Yuri grabbed another bag to wrap Bernadetta’s hair, offering some time for Bernadetta to come down from her initial scare. “Could you grab the coconut oil out of my bag?” Yuri asked as she massaged her roots, “don’t want to leave too much of a mess for the boys out there.” Bernie nodded and moved to look into Yuri’s bag, fiddling around until she spotted the familiar jar and something tucked away in the corner, wholly unfamiliar. The eyes that Bernadetta was convinced were on the back of Yuri’s head caught her as she heard a tongue click and felt a few taps on her shoulder.

“No opening your gift until it’s officially Christmas, Missie.”

Bernadetta blinked twice in confusion. “Christmas?”

Yuri coughed into her hand to stifle a laugh. “Oh, darling. Don’t tell me you forgot what day it is. Though I shouldn’t be all that surprised, I can have that effect on people.”

Bernadetta fumbled for her phone, handing the coconut oil with the lid screwed off to Yuri. Bernadetta had been on jar opening duty for as long as she could remember. Delicate hands, Yuri told her. “Oh. Oh! It’s December 24th.”

Yuri nodded along, swiping the coconut oil around the stained sink. “Right. So when it’s the 25th, you can have your gift.”

Bernie’s smile stretched across her face, quickly hiding it behind both of her hands. “Ooh, thank you, Yuri! I have something for you too, actually.”

Yuri stopped, stifling the surprise on her face a moment later and pecking Bernadetta’s cheek. “Well now you’ve got me all excited. Let’s get out of this dingy bathroom before the fluorescents do something awful to our color.” With their hair neatly wrapped and a promise that they would return soon, they left the bathroom with matching hair once more, the lavender of the past long forgotten.

Yuri led them back to their seat and set her bag on the table. “Now, I know you don’t usually celebrate, but how about we do the Hanukkah prayer first?”

Bernadetta pulled her phone out as she tried to remember when any holiday was, rapidly typing into her phone. “Hanukkah was … at the end of November. So you don’t have to!”

Yuri shook her head, reaching out to gently take Bernadetta’s chin in her hand. “Nonsense. I want to.” She pulled out her own phone, downloading an app and opening it to reveal a fully lit menorah. She set it between them, clearing her throat a few times. “Now let me see if I still remember how it goes.” She cleared her throat, hand still holding Bernie’s chin and gazing into her eyes with a fond smile.

_“Baruch atah, Adonai Eloheinu, Melech haolam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tsivanu l’hadlik ner shel Hanukkah.”_

Bernadetta’s eyes went large, hands tightly grasping at the edge of the table. “How do you know that?”

Yuri’s eyes sparkled as she leaned in and pecked the very tip of Bernadetta’s nose. “I would go to great lengths to give you a spectacular holiday, my dear. Even if that meant a goyim would serenade you in Hebrew.” She chuckled and winked, pulling back and tapping her phone screen as midnight struck. “Time to exchange gifts, then?”

Bernadetta wriggled in her seat, filled to the brim with excitement. “Yes, yes! You first, then I’ll get mine.”

Yuri rooted around in her bag and pulled out the item that Bernadetta had spotted in the bathroom - a soft, brown pencil case covered in small hedgehogs. Bernie did her best to keep her excitement to a single shriek as she graciously took the gift, her feet kicking with barely restrained energy underneath her. As she unzipped the pencil case, three small phone charms quickly greeted her: a hedgehog that matched the pencil case, a small rabbit, and a black cat.

Bernadetta put the gift down as delicately as possible as she got up to circle the table and hugged Yuri tight, kissing her cheek and face over and over. Yuri laughed, loosely wrapping an arm around Bernie and catching what kisses she could. “Careful, Bern. Don’t want to get hair dye on your face.” Bernadetta blushed and pulled back, rubbing her cheek and apologizing shortly after. Yuri kept her close, gently running nails up and down the back of her shirt. “It’s all right, dear. Go ahead, it’s your turn.”

Right. Bernadetta scrambled back to her seat, hefting her own bag onto the table. “Hopefully it doesn’t smell like fast food,” she muttered quietly to herself, rustling in between food containers to pull out a small, shimmery bottle of nail polish and a fresh notebook. “I thought you could use a new one,” she said with a small smile, sliding them both across the table. Yuri lifted the bottle and investigated it, a white with pink and purple shimmer, catching in the lights above them. The notebook cover was soft and leathery, a deep violet that made Yuri’s brows raise.

“This is lovely, Bernadetta. Thank you.” Yuri knocked the bottle against her palm a few times, looking at Bernadetta with a teasing smile. “Why don’t we test the color, sweetheart? Let me see your hands.” Bernie blushed bright pink and nodded, hands suddenly cold from all of the excitement, the rabbit-quick beat of her heart, and all of the blood rushing to her face and ears. She chewed on her lips as she presented chilly hands, hoping she wouldn’t melt through the floor in embarrassment. “Oh, darling,” Yuri said, holding her hands as if they were precious. “Do I need to get you new gloves? I can’t have you catching your death out there.”

Bernadetta buried the bottom half of her face in her hoodie, looking up at Yuri with big eyes as she tried to hide her smile. “N-no,” she admitted, watching Yuri uncap the polish and swipe the color on her thumbnail. “Y-you’re just teasing me.”

Yuri hummed, too busy with making sure each swipe. “Me? I would never. I think you have me confused with someone else. Though how you could manage that, I can’t be sure.” The color was pretty, shiny and light against her round, stubby fingers. The perfect color for Yuri. She turned Bernadetta’s hands a few times to inspect her work, adding a second coat soon after. “Beautiful.” She meant the color, of course, as Bernie was careful to curl her hands around and hold Yuri’s own without messing up freshly painted nails.

“It really is, huh? Glad I picked a nice color for you.”

Yuri clicked her tongue again, capping the bottle after finishing one hand. “You’re a funny girl, you know. But comedy isn’t your strong suit.” She brushed damp bangs from Bernadetta’s forehead and planted a soft kiss there, still warm. “I’ll do your other hand when we get to a motel. And you can do mine when we get to our next stop.” She pulled back to blow softly on the nails, patting the top of her hand. “Careful with that hand, sweetheart. I can fix it when we get back if anything happens. We’re going to grow roots if we stay here any longer, and living on fast food is terrible for the complexion.” The polish disappeared in her bag, holding the notebook for a few moments longer, smiling to herself before tucking in as well, careful. Bernadetta put her pencil case and charms away, happy to have done such a good job and win Yuri’s smile for the evening.

They left the McDonald’s hand in unpainted hand after a quick return to the bathroom to lose their plastic hair wraps and wash the dye out, Bernadetta flapping her free hand a few times while Yuri helped with the heavy door on the way out. Her hand was freed as they approached one of the employee’s cars, setting her bag on the hood and pulling out a long, crooked hanger. Bernadetta let out a shaky sigh and moved to what would now be their old car to prepare for the transfer. Not the first time they swapped cars, and likely not the last. She waited as Yuri unlocked the door from the outside, shifting to sit in the driver’s seat as she started messing with the wires under the wheel. Bernie didn’t get it, wasn’t sure she wanted to. Yuri had her set of skills, Bernadetta had her own.

She opened the back seat of the new car - so much space, and clean too - and set their bags down, quietly watching Yuri work. She figured that was why she opted not to paint her nails yet, her half of the night hadn’t ended with hair dye and nuggets. Bernadetta quelled any feelings of worthlessness as best she could, glancing down at her half manicure. She was notorious for messing her nails up minutes after getting them done, but the care and consideration left it intact.

The car roared to life and Yuri sat up looking quite proud of herself, brushing her jacket off. “Come sit in the front seat, darling. I’m not your chauffeur.” Bernie covered her smile as she laughed, hopping out of the back and stopping halfway to the other side.

“Wait, wait, one second.”

She grabbed one of her own notebooks out - covered in happy frogs, a pen sitting in the spiral binding - and scribbled out an apology, tucking it into their old car’s windshield wiper and leaving the keys in the driver’s seat. Hopefully the cops were nice when they pulled the poor guy over, it was Christmas after all. Once her due diligence was done, she crawled into the passenger’s seat, Yuri reaching over to buckle her in to avoid any damage to her nails and pulling them out of the lot and back onto the highway.

Bernadetta offered her hand on the center console, quickly taken by Yuri’s own. “You know,” she started, looking out on the endless expanse of highway ahead of them. A snowflake hit the windshield, then another, the night glowing softly from street lights and the white of fresh snow filling their vision. “I think this is the best Christmas I’ve ever had, Yuri.”

Bernadetta turned to look at Yuri, catching her smile as she looked out on the road. “Of course it is, Birdie. Christmas at home will always be inferior to a Christmas spent with yours truly.” The snow started coming down faster, the swish of the windshield wipers filling the space between them. “But I’m glad you had fun. Next Christmas, we’ll celebrate it properly, not in some dingy establishment with awful lighting.”

“But Yuri,” Bernadetta protested, gently tapping the tops of her knuckles. “What about Queen Ronald? That’s her home!”

“I said not to disrespect her fit and her beat. Not her home.” They were both smiling now, Bernadetta fiddling with Yuri’s phone to turn on one of their playlists. “Oh? Not tired yet?” Bernadetta shook her head, turning back to admire the snow as it coated the highway around them.

“Not yet. I don’t think I’ve ever stayed up until Christmas morning before. Well, not on purpose.” She squeezed Yuri’s hand as music began to fill the car. Yuri couldn’t keep the smile from her face, squeezing Bernadetta’s hand in turn.

“All right, dear. I’ll keep you company, so long as you’d like me to.”

“Oh, Yuri. I’d be happy to.” Bernadetta pulled their joined hands closer, kissing the back of Yuri’s hand as she sunk into her seat, mesmerized by the scene ahead of them. The road behind them, the road ahead of them, the first snows of winter gracing their long drive as they headed towards a temporary safety together. A little less worry, a little more freedom. Always the clawing sense of danger behind them, always the warm, familiar sense of Yuri to keep her safe. Her heart thudded in her chest to the beat of the music, mouthing along to words that she almost knew by heart after two weeks on the road together, months sharing the same room at school, years writing letters and playing as young girls. Always together, even now.


End file.
